i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
