Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
