I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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