The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and you said cock pushups were impossible
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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