Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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