I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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