Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
