Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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