I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
