I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
