Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
