I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
