i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
