You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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