At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Who wears a wallet chain?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
