Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
