college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
