I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
