Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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