he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
