lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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