Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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