god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
