just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
