I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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