I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
