I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
