Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
