guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
