You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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