you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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