We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
