I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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