I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
