Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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