Dual....:-)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
