Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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