Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
