i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
