You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
