My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
