we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
