she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
