i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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