Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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