I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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