You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
