how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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