did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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