Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
