I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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