I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
