areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
