You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
