I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
