she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
